Goldfish Cracker Addiction: How to Cope

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What kind of addictive drug is Pepperidge Farms putting into their Goldfish crackers?  It must be formulated to just work on just kids, because it’s not working on me.  I really don’t see why my kids gobble up Goldfish crackers like they are the best thing ever.  They don’t taste bad to me, but to have handful after handful, day after day, I just can’t do it.  But kids across America seem to be able to do it.  In fact, I have never met a kid that doesn’t like Goldfish.  If you have a child who is “Divergent”, and doesn’t have the Goldfish addiction, consider yourself lucky.

So like any addiction, now I must find ways to get my kids off the Goldfish.  Why you ask?  For 3 reasons:

  1. Eating too much of anything isn’t good for you (right?)
  2. Goldfish Crackers have no nutritional value
  3. Goldfish Crackers are a processed food

The first step to stop the addiction is not buying them anymore.   This isn’t always the easiest thing to do.  It seems like Target, Walmart and Hyvee have Goldfish everywhere!  They aren’t confined to just an aisle, they are on end caps and right by the check out too.  Once the kids see them…… they want them.  I have found the best way to avoid a breakdown at the store is thru distraction.  Just when you are about to pass some Goldfish, point in the opposite direction and say “I think I see Doc McStuffins”.

Okay, so now the pantry is free of the Goldfish crackers, what do you replace them with?  What will the kids eat for snacks?  Here’s a few ideas:

  1. Trail Mix – Throw together nuts (cashews, peanuts, almonds), dried fruit, dark chocolate chips
  2. Fruit and Vegetables – Carrot Sticks, Grapes, Orange Slices, Oranges, Avocados, Bananas, Strawberries, and Cucumbers are a few easy picks.  Need a nutritious dip?  Try mixing some Greek yogurt and a ranch packet together.  Or just use hummus.
  3. Cheese – Tons of choices out there!  Buy a block and cut your own cheese sticks or squares
  4. Homemade Crackers – Not processed and you can add some flax seed or wheat germ for additional health benefits.  Here are 2 good recipes: Homemade Cheddar Crackers, Vegan Homemade Goldfish Crackers

It may take some time, some extra work on your part and even a breakdown or two, but you can get thru the Goldfish addiction!  Good luck my friends.


Thomas Brogan

Thomas Brogan, a native of Des Moines, was the original founder of Des Moines Parent and is a father to a 12 & 14-year-old. In his free time, he likes to explore nature, try new local restaurants, and enjoy life as best as he can.

6 thoughts on “Goldfish Cracker Addiction: How to Cope

  1. Avatar goldfishlover12.0 says:

    thank now i can avoid sending my tots goldfish rehab

  2. Ok boomer, goldfish are the best thing that has ever been invented. I’m going to assume your name is KAREN because you are a b****. You have just ruined my already terrible day. ??? ALSO replacing goldfish with VEGETABLES IS LITERALLY MADNESS CAUSED IN THIS CHAOTIC WORLD. If you don’t want your children eating goldfish, then to bad KAREN because they are absolutely scrumptious. And there is nothing you can do about it.

  3. Avatar goldfishluv8 says:


  4. I’m sitting here enjoying these golden little fish as a 32 year old wondering if there is something addictive in these things because you simply can’t have just a couple, which led me to this article. My 13 year old on the other hand, has no desire to eat more than a couple. This leads me to believe that for some adults it’s just as addictive as it is for our younger counterparts. For me, these are a once in a blue moon type of snack but when I do indulge, it doesn’t take me long to devour the bag. I will probably refrain from purchasing any more.

  5. Avatar thellycat says:

    I love goldfish. One time when I was a child I was eating them nonstop when I was supposed to be waiting on dinner. Halfway through the bag I got sick and puked goldfish it was low key the best tasting yak. I proceeded to go back and eat the rest of the bag without a word. I Demand DOUBLE Xtra cheddar flavor blasted goldfish!

  6. I’m trying everything and nothing works! WhT else can I do

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