Goldfish Cracker Addiction: How to Cope

Goldfish Cracker Addiction: How to Cope


What kind of addictive drug is Pepperidge Farms putting into their Goldfish crackers?  It must be formulated to just work on just kids, because it’s not working on me.  I really don’t see why my kids gobble up Goldfish crackers like they are the best thing ever.  They don’t taste bad to me, but to have handful after handful, day after day, I just can’t do it.  But kids across America seem to be able to do it.  In fact, I have never met a kid that doesn’t like Goldfish.  If you have a child who is “Divergent”, and doesn’t have the Goldfish addiction, consider yourself lucky.

So like any addiction, now I must find ways to get my kids off the Goldfish.  Why you ask?  For 3 reasons:

  1. Eating too much of anything isn’t good for you (right?)
  2. Goldfish Crackers have no nutritional value
  3. Goldfish Crackers are a processed food

The first step to stop the addiction is not buying them anymore.   This isn’t always the easiest thing to do.  It seems like Target, Walmart and Hyvee have Goldfish everywhere!  They aren’t confined to just an aisle, they are on end caps and right by the check out too.  Once the kids see them…… they want them.  I have found the best way to avoid a breakdown at the store is thru distraction.  Just when you are about to pass some Goldfish, point in the opposite direction and say “I think I see Doc McStuffins”.

Okay, so now the pantry is free of the Goldfish crackers, what do you replace them with?  What will the kids eat for snacks?  Here’s a few ideas:

  1. Trail Mix – Throw together nuts (cashews, peanuts, almonds), dried fruit, dark chocolate chips
  2. Fruit and Vegetables – Carrot Sticks, Grapes, Orange Slices, Oranges, Avocados, Bananas, Strawberries, and Cucumbers are a few easy picks.  Need a nutritious dip?  Try mixing some Greek yogurt and a ranch packet together.  Or just use hummus.
  3. Cheese – Tons of choices out there!  Buy a block and cut your own cheese sticks or squares
  4. Homemade Crackers – Not processed and you can add some flax seed or wheat germ for additional health benefits.  Here are 2 good recipes: Homemade Cheddar Crackers, Vegan Homemade Goldfish Crackers

It may take some time, some extra work on your part and even a breakdown or two, but you can get thru the Goldfish addiction!  Good luck my friends.

Thomas Brogan

Thomas Brogan, a native of Des Moines, was the original founder of Des Moines Parent and is a father to an 8 & 10-year-old. In his free time, he likes to explore nature, try new local restaurants and enjoy life as best as he can. Check out more of Thomas at

3 thoughts on “Goldfish Cracker Addiction: How to Cope

  1. goldfishlover12.0 says:

    thank now i can avoid sending my tots goldfish rehab

  2. Ok boomer, goldfish are the best thing that has ever been invented. I’m going to assume your name is KAREN because you are a b****. You have just ruined my already terrible day. ??? ALSO replacing goldfish with VEGETABLES IS LITERALLY MADNESS CAUSED IN THIS CHAOTIC WORLD. If you don’t want your children eating goldfish, then to bad KAREN because they are absolutely scrumptious. And there is nothing you can do about it.

  3. goldfishluv8 says:


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